Prep

A very difficult part of this is not knowing what to expect. That's a whole different issue than being completely terrified of what's secretly going on in my body, which I'm sure I'll write more about later. I really don't know what to expect from my surgery and recovery. Although I've been tremendously well informed and trust my doctors, I've never been in the hospital before - never had any kind of surgery. I really don't even know, to a certain extent, what kind of help to ask for. The standard answers are that I'll really not have terrible pain post-op, and that I'll be feeling mountains better within days. Most people say that discomfort is the prevailing feeling. I can take that, I know. But because I'm having a double mastectomy and I know how little I realize that I'm constantly using my pecs (which will be very re-arranged during my surgery), I just don't know what all of that will mean as far as daily activities go. Then there's the mental and emotional adjustments that I'll have to make. Because I can only wake up from my first surgery with the first of several steps towards reconstruction (more technical details later for those who like that stuff - Hannah), I have no idea how that will feel. The best I can do on that front, I think, is to be kind to myself and focus on the reason for all of this and the end result - that I will look quite normal soon enough and that I will NOT HAVE cancer.

So, I'm doing the more tangible preparations today. Icky weather or no, I'm out to buy myself some fun, comfy, pj's, submit the all-important post-op prescriptions, buy light bulbs, and a challah from the best bread store in all the land, Charlie's. Yesterday I came home with seven new books to plow through once I'm done with the latest fantastic lend from Margaret. That one, weighing in at 933 pages, is being read like the devil in hopes that I'll finish by Monday. Any wagers?